Most of the couples we work with aren't really planning a wedding day. They're planning a wedding weekend in Italy: three days, sometimes four, for guests who have crossed an ocean and taken a week off work. Done well, it's the best trip of everyone's year. Done badly, it's a series of coach rides between events. Here's how the weekends we've photographed come together, with a sample schedule, the logistics nobody posts on Instagram and the mistakes we see most often.

Before you plan: arrival and the right days

Ask guests to land at least a day before the first event; after an overnight flight from the US, nobody is at their best on the first evening. Many couples choose Friday to Sunday, but midweek is worth considering. Guests usually turn a wedding in Italy into a full week of travel anyway, and some venues and hotels are more flexible on weekdays. Whatever you choose, publish the full schedule on your wedding website months ahead so people can book flights around it.

A sample wedding weekend

Here's a schedule we see often for a summer wedding in Tuscany or Umbria. Adjust the times to the season: in May and September everything moves a little earlier, in October much earlier.

• Friday, 7:30 p.m. Welcome aperitivo and dinner, ending around 11 p.m. Dress code: garden chic.
• Saturday morning. Free time for guests: pool, a wine tasting, a walk in the village. The couple rests.
• Saturday, 5:30 p.m. Ceremony, as the heat breaks.
• 6:15 p.m. Aperitivo in the garden, with portraits at golden hour.
• 8:15 p.m. Dinner, with speeches between courses.
• 11:00 p.m. Cake, first dance and the party, moving indoors if there's an outdoor music curfew.
• Sunday, 11:30 a.m. Farewell brunch by the pool, with guests leaving through the afternoon.

Day one: the welcome party

This evening sets the tone, and it doesn't have to look like a rehearsal dinner. In a destination wedding, the welcome party is usually open to every guest, because everyone has traveled. Morgan & Ryan opened their weekend with a pizza party at Castello di Celsa, near Siena, with pizza stations and a trio of musicians. Remy & Toby did their own version at Il Borro, with long tables of red flowers, candles and tomatoes. In Rome, Tania & Valentin went the other way entirely: cocktails at the Bulgari Hotel Roma, very elegant and very Roman.

• Keep it close to where people are sleeping. After a long flight, nobody wants another hour on a coach.
• Give it a different mood from the wedding: more casual food, a different dress code, a different color.
• Say a few words of welcome early in the evening, before jet lag sends people to bed.
• Leave welcome bags in the rooms with the schedule, a map and a phone number to call.

There are more ideas in our guide to welcome dinners in Italy.

The free half-day

Don't fill every hour. Your guests are in Italy, and the best gift you can give them is time to enjoy it. In Tuscany they'll want a winery or an afternoon in Siena or Florence. In Umbria, Assisi or a long truffle lunch. On Lake Como, a boat. In Rome, simply the city. Your planner can arrange optional excursions that guests book and pay for themselves, which keeps the schedule light and everyone happy.

Day two: the wedding

The wedding day starts slowly, with getting ready in a suite or a room of the villa, and builds toward the evening. In summer we plan the ceremony for late afternoon, when the heat breaks and the light turns golden. Then aperitivo, dinner and dancing. Italian dinners are long: four courses with speeches can easily take two and a half hours, and that's part of the experience. Build the timeline backward from sunset, and sit down with your planner and your photographer together when you write it. We'd much rather move a toast by fifteen minutes than lose the best light of the day.

Day three: the farewell brunch

The morning after is the most underrated part of the weekend. Everyone's tired and happy, the pressure is off, and the conversations are the best of the trip. A long brunch by the pool or in the garden is all you need: start late, let people come and go, keep it simple. Some couples swap it for a boat day on the lake or the sea, which works beautifully if the group is small enough.

The logistics that hold it together

• Transport. Airports can be far from venues, and taxis are scarce in the countryside. Book shuttles for every event, with a clear last departure.
• Rooms at several price levels. Not every guest can afford the villa. Block rooms in two or three places nearby.
• A plan B for every event, not only the wedding. Know where the welcome dinner goes if it rains.
• Different menus. If different caterers handle each event, compare the menus so guests don't eat the same pasta three nights in a row.
• A weekend guide. One page with times, dress codes, addresses and transport, online and printed in the welcome bag.

How we photograph and film a wedding weekend

We cover a weekend as one story, with the same team from the first evening to the last. Each day has its own mood and we keep it in the images: looser and more candid at the welcome party, composed and cinematic at the ceremony, quiet and warm the next morning. Some of the best moments of a weekend happen on the first night, when guests meet each other for the first time. You can see a few full weekends in our wedding photography portfolio.

Mistakes we see often

• Events spread across towns, so guests spend the weekend in vans.
• No free time at all, for guests or for the couple.
• Forgetting older guests: long walks on gravel, no shade, late nights without a ride home.
• A wedding day so packed that the couple never actually sits down to eat.

Questions couples ask us

Who should we invite to the welcome party?

In most destination weddings, everyone. They've all traveled for you, and the welcome party is when the two families and groups of friends meet. It's what makes the wedding itself feel warm.

Who pays for what?

Usually the couple hosts the events, and guests pay for their own travel and rooms. Optional excursions are paid by the guests who join them. Say it clearly on your website to avoid awkward questions.

Do we need photography for the whole weekend?

If you want the story of the trip, yes. The welcome party and the brunch are often where the most natural photographs of your family and friends come from.

If you're planning a wedding weekend in Italy, tell us about it. And if you're still choosing where to stay, read our comparison of a villa or a grand hotel.